Not A Fan Of Bait-And-Switch (or) I Have A Bad Feeling About This

So, the trailer for The Last Jedi (a.k.a.: Episode VII) dropped last night.  If you have been living off the grid and/or protest the NFL so hard you didn't dare watch it during "haph-thyme" here it be.

(Caution: Proper safety measures should be employed before watching.  Failure to take appropriate precautions could result injuries including, but not limited to: bruising on chin from jaw drop, electrical shock from short circuiting computer during spit-take, and concussion from rapid and repeated application of face palm maneuver.  The faculty and staff of "In The Loop" blog is not responsible for any and all injuries sustained during consumption of postings.)

Before I do anything else, two points must be made.

1) For the record, I don't like having a sports entity using the popularity of Star War to attempt to gain viewership.  I know, I know, this was planned before the most recent downturn in professional handegg viewership, but the point still stands.

2) There will be many theories, regarding all scenarios and characters, but I must make a clear statement before I dive head first into the rabbit hole:

That's not to say I don't have a Snoke theory (or theories), or have read a few I think are pretty good.  But I'll stand by the "official" statement.

First, what we can be sure (or at least decently sure) of.  Luke is hesitant to train Rey, who is seriously talented.  Snoke saw something more than just power in Kylo/Ben.  The Resistance and the First Order have more equipment that before.  For the former that might include the remains of the Republic fleet.

Now, allow me to put on my tin-foil hat.

All of Luke's lines in the trailer are directed at Rey.  All of Rey's lines are directed at Luke.

So far, fan theory seems to point to Rey asking Kylo Ren at the end to train her.  I don't believe so.  Why?  Her clothes don't appear to be the gray colored ones, but the lighter ones she's seen training in on Ahch-To.  My theory: Rey asks for him to show her where she belongs.  Luke has a vision of the destruction of the academy (the fire with him next to R2, him crawling out of rubble).  He agrees to train her, only to find how much potential she has.  She presses, which leads to a more "intense" training, akin to Dagobah.  This is supported by her in the pool and Luke on shore, soaked, saying it "this is not going to go the way you think."  My guess is she lashed out at his methods.

I think that, despite having reached whatever "dark" goal he had previously, Kylo/Ben will be closer to rejecting the Dark Side than last time.  Notice, he smashes his helmet.  Not in a "tantrum" way, like when he redecorated the interrogation room.  It seems more in a "I hate this" way.  His apparent hesitation to fire on the bridge of the Resistance ship supports this, as well as talking about being rid of the past.  If Leia dies here, I'm guessing it isn't Kylo/Ben who pulls the trigger.

At some point Team Good Guys will be on a planet with crystals (note the Falcon flying through what looks like a geode tunnel full of red, kybur?, crystals).  Material for new big guns?

Star War's fan wiki claims that the Resistance evacuates their base from the first film.  Similar to Ep. V, but how similar remains to be seen.  But they're also on some sort of desert-like planet, which according to the wiki is home to the Resistance base.  So, two attacks on Resistance bases in one movie.  And unless Leia escapes the space battle (which I'm assuming is concurrent with the evac) there's little chance he fired on the bridge of that ship, since Leia is standing on that arid planet with the weird red dust.

It also claims Finn is part of an operation that infiltrates the First Order.  Why?  I bet in part to rescue Rey.  That's what leads to him fighting with Phasma.  And why we see Kylo/Ben standing with something burning behind him.  He's there during the major fight at the end.

Lastly, somewhere along the line Rey gets captured again by the First Order or is part of infiltration mission.  She ends up squaring off with Snoke, who taunts, torments, and tortures her.

Things unanswered: Who is Snoke?  Who is Rey?  Who is Finn?  What are those books?  What is a porg?  Will DAR ever get his Fanta?

(Am I the only one who wants to see Luke purposelessly punt a precocious pseudo-penguin?)

We won't know any of these things (including how off base I likely am) until December 15th.  Until then, may the Force be with you.

And also with you.